Friends Letting Friends Date Drunk

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

How Am I Supposed To Live In A World That Allows Coldplay To Exist?

Things that Have Delighted Me this Week:

1) The mildly racist Six Flags Commercial. (Or should I say "Six Frags?") Hehe.

2) This:

3) Well. I didn't want to brag, but my pee on Sunday was thick and milky, like Iced Tea.

Things that have confused me this week:

1) Paul Bunyan. Turns out he wasn't an actual historical figure, like Robin Hood, and his Band of Thieves. It turns out he was a myth, like Jesus.

2) The phone system at my place of work. You see, I managed to not only interrupt a conference call including four of the most important people at The Bank when I picked up the wrong line and confirmed a lunch order for an MD, asserting "Yes, that was turkey on whole-wheat, please hold the mayo," but I also managed to disconnect the meeting...twice.

3) I got it on with a 39 year old man whose nickname is "Spider." Yes, his friends call him Spider. *exasperated sigh*

Things that have pissed me off this week:

1) My ears and eyes were violently assaulted by a certain commercial featuring Coldplay. Why, God. Why? What have I done to deserve this? Fuck. It just came on again. They should change their name to "We are Pansies." Or maybe just "Assholes."

2) Bicyclists. On the sidewalk. Dinging their fucking bells for me to move out of the way. The only way I could hate Coldplay more would be if its members were riding their bikes on the sidewalk.

And if instead of a dinging sound, their music played when they hit their bells. Assholes.

3) Liars. For example, I was told that "Juno" was cute and funny. Clearly my sense of humor is different than that of Liars. Because what I saw was a younger, seriously less funny version of Janine Garafolo reciting lines written by someone who desperately wants to be seen as cool. "The Stooges are rad." How HIP. And the soundtrack sucked. I wouldn't be surprised if Chris Martin selected every single song. Asshole.


EDW said...

I hate Coldplay, Chris Martin, and his wife, too.

The phone at work thing is funny because I have been there.

godihateyourband said...

i love coldplay. they make that punk rawk screech-noise band radiohead sound so much more palateable in the checkout line at the deli. nice falsetto chris! hi gwyneth!