A Year in Review:
I was sitting here this morning, after an evening of making out with yet another co-worker, (this would be number three…and he’s like 22), reflecting my last pathetic year in dating.
The Rockstar: Turn-ons: Cigarettes, cocaine, and not calling me. Other qualities include complaining about his life and not living in my state. Of course one would think that this would be enough deter me, but sadly, this is not the case. I ran into him randomly half a year after we met at a Jersey Turnpike rest stop. Naturally, I think this is fate and the universe is trying to tell me something, and that nothing says love like toilets and Cinnabon. As we’ll explore later, my man IQ rests at a comfortable –10.
My Ex: Turn-ons: Lying, cheating, and not having sex with me. I remember 3 years ago, as I calmly sat in a squat, peeing in his bed after finding out he was porking a ho-bag in his flea-ridden apartment, thinking, I will die before I ever see this twathole again. Sadly, this did not turn out the way I planned.
Mr. Wonderful: Turn-ons: Alcohol, polyester, and cheesy meatpacking district clubs. As we approach the final chapter in the MW saga, I leave you with two words--a teaser if you will: Atlantic. City.
Hmmm. I guess that’s it. Besides the boys I randomly made out with, which include (as of last night) 3 co-workers, a boy in a Philadelphia bathroom (apparently this is a theme), and a large African-American man, that pretty much sums up the very sad state of my dating affairs. MOVING RIGHT ALONG!