1) Mr. Wonderful is not very good looking at first, but after 3 glasses of wine he vastly improves.
2) However, not enough to distract from his high-pitched donkey bray.
3) Mr. Wonderful is from the great state of New Jersey
4) Which would explain the light blue polyester button-down he was proudly sporting.
5) Sadly, he could not cover up his polymonstrosity because despite the 40 degree weather, Mr. Wonderful “forgot” to wear a coat. Sidebar: I hate it when men do “quirky” things. It’s annoying and it comes off as idiotic. Be a man. Wear a fucking coat.
6) Mr. Wonderful is NOT in fact a zoo keeper, but actually works at a hedge fund. And no, I still do not understand what a hedge fund is, but for some reason I always picture a porcupine.
7) Mr. Wonderful likes to give himself compliments by telling you compliments that others have given to him. See number 2 in "highlights" for details.
8) Mr. Wonderful is 32.
9) I still do not know Mr. Wonderful's name.